Pod 4 – Projection – The Optical Illusion of the Psyche (this one has been really hard to write!)

There’s a fucked-up little game your subconscious loves to play. It’s like a magician pulling coins from your ear — except those coins are your unresolved trauma. And the stage for this tragicomedy? Every single person you meet. This is projection. Projection is your mind’s twisted survival tactic. Instead of owning your pain, you hang it on someone else like a coat. It’s the psychological equivalent of a bad magic trick — where the illusion is so convincing that even you, the magician, forget you’re the one creating it.

Imagine you’re at work. There’s this loud, confident coworker who barrels in like they have trademarked OxygenTM, and within five minutes, you’ve diagnosed them as a walking bag of narcissism. “Arrogant. Attention-seeker. Obnoxious wanker. Pompous, pretentious papoose.” You storm off, eyes rolling so hard, already texting a friend about this human bulldozer who just ruined your day.

Your subconscious is using their face as a dartboard for your own unresolved emotions. Their confidence is a trigger because, deep down, you’ve never allowed yourself to take up space. Your self-doubt can’t handle seeing someone else claim what you deny yourself. Your boss is “a control freak” because you’ve never dared to assert yourself. Your partner is “cold and distant” because you’ve never learned to say what you actually need and true vulnerability is taboo. Your friend is “selfish” because you’ve spent your life playing emotional Amazon Prime, delivering validation to everyone else while you starve yourself.

But projection doesn’t always kick the door in. Sometimes, it slips in sideways. You joke about someone’s “overconfidence,” but there’s a twist in your smile. The humour isn’t innocent — it’s a dagger wrapped in a punchline. Beneath the laughter, it’s your resentment about your own fear of being seen. You become the self-proclaimed “truth-teller,” pointing out others’ flaws — their laziness, their ego, their irresponsibility. But it’s a mirror, an oblique way of criticizing the very traits you deny in yourself. You can’t stop singing someone’s praises. “She’s so strong. So independent.” But you’re not just admiring her. You’re bitterly aware of the ways you’ve felt weak and dependent. You hear someone make a passing comment, and you’re immediately on edge. You start explaining yourself, even though no one accused you. But it’s not them you’re defending against — it’s your own self-doubt. You feel overly sorry for someone struggling, rushing to help, bending over backwards. But it’s not just compassion. It’s your hidden need to be seen as good, useful, valuable — because you’ve buried your own feelings of worthlessness.

You love talking about how selfish, superficial, or arrogant others are. But it’s not them you’re angry at. You’re deflecting — projecting your own shame, envy, or desire to be seen as superior. You tell someone you’re giving them “tough love” or “just calling it like it is.” But there’s a razor edge to your words — and it’s not about them. It’s your own insecurity, trying to prove dominance. Or you go out of your way to praise someone for being “so confident” because, deep down, you can’t stand how scared you are to take up space.

When you’re having that Level 10 response to a Level 1 situation, there’s an internal conversation happening inside you— a hidden conversation between you and your unresolved past. So, before you spiral into shame, projection is not a failure. It’s a treasure map to that exact gold. When you follow a projection back to the source, that’s where the real work begins. Every time you feel a sudden urge of judgment, resentment, anger, or even infatuation – that’s a clue. The gold isn’t in them — it’s in you. It’s the signal fire of “This is you. Look at this.” Want to break the illusion? Start by catching yourself in the act. Turn the spotlight around. Question your judgments, your knee-jerk reactions. Ask yourself, ‘What is this really about?’

For me – it’s arrogance. Someone who owns life. Walks tall, sets boundaries. Every time I would judge them for thinking too much of themselves. I have even ended relationships with people with healthy self-esteem because “who the hell did she think she is?” I judged them hard. And then I learned to sit with it – every time I felt that sick twist of disgust, I turned it inward. I asked, ‘What part of me is this poking?” The only time I was confident, was in jest and heavily under the influence of some substance.

Because your shadow — a term coined by Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist guy— is that part of you where you hide aspects of yourself you believe to be bad. These could be things you were scolded for, rejected for, or felt ashamed of in the past. It’s not just a dark place; it’s a lava landfill of your insecurities, your smothered dreams, and your most cringe-worthy fears.

How do you spot your shadow? With triggers and projections. You begin with a brutal question: What if it’s not them? What if it’s you? Because the world is not full of monsters. It’s full of mirrors. The math of projection – it’s always you vs you. And once you learn to read them, you don’t just break the illusion. You break free.

Make a list of the things that piss you off about other people. Write them down — greed, arrogance, laziness, dishonesty. Then, next to each one, write, ‘How does this live in me?’ Where is this in me? Hate selfish people? Where have you been self-denying, self-sacrificing, and quietly hating those who take? Hate arrogant people? Where have you hidden your own ambition? Where have you traded honesty for politeness? Where had I let myself be devalued? Where had I betrayed the part of me that was awesome? And deserved to be acknowledged as awesome. (Believe me, I still struggle with this – A LOT)

Because here’s the truth: the shadows you deny don’t disappear. They fester. They become addictions, obsessions, toxic relationships. They turn your life into a feedback loop of shame and regret. Until you turn around, look them dead in the eye, and say, ‘I see you.’ I know where you live, I know when you were born and who fed you all along. It was me.

And when you do, you learn that in you is still so much to learn about yourself. So much to honour and to accept, and love, eventually.

Welcome to the real work. The monster in the mirror is not your enemy. It’s your shadow, and it’s dying for your love. Give it that. Or the lambs will keep screaming. 😉

Neen, out.

PS Pod 5 will deal with Masks: The Emperors New Lies